In case you’re not addicted to NBA League Pass or live in Northern California, there’s a distinct possibility that you may have missed one of the greatest additions to the 2014 NBA season so far. No, not LeBron James singlehandedly realigning the Eastern Conference by signing with the Cleveland Cavaliers, but with the Sacramento Kings, who successfully and hilariously trolled the visiting Golden State Warriors by playing the Full House theme song during their player introductions. This is excellent, because NBA introductions are supposed to be over the top and sports-y, but as you can see in this clip, courtesy of Deadspin, the theme from Full House does not do that. At all.
But this is only the beginning. Or, rather, this should be only the beginning, as that song is going to quickly lose its luster as a bit of goofing on the other team’s squad (unless the Kings keep it for the Warriors on every occasion). Then it could spread, and that would be amazing. We would co-sign that. So would you. Unfortunately that’s not very likely, so here are six more songs the Kings could consider playing during the other team’s introductions. They’re all fantastic.
5. “Yakety Sax” by Boots Randolph
Also known as the Benny Hill theme, this song is beyond played out — and we’re sure you’re a little bit mad that we’re even suggesting it — but the point stands alone. If you want to make someone feel terrible about what they’re doing with their lives, soundtrack that person’s work day to “Yakety Sax.” It is impossible to take anything seriously while this monstrosity of a tune is happening, which makes it perfect. Listen to it here.
4. “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” by Paul Abraham Dukas
You’ll recognize this as featuring a very similar motif to the tune that Stewie from Family Guy plays when he’s chasing people with a tuba. That’s right, the dum-da-duh-duh-duh-dum-da tune. Ideally you’d want that version for brevity, but if you can’t get that, the original is creepy enough. It’s embedded below, via the Disney film Fantastia, and starts at the two-minute mark.
3. “Theme From The Third Man” by Anton Karas
Not only is the zither completely and utterly underrated as a cool stringed instrument, but this song has that same old-timey walking feel that makes “The Air Is Getting Slippery” so cumbersome. That would be the bass line, by the way — it just doesn’t sound like the modern-day equivalent of one. Think about it like a classical guitar piece, then think about how fun it would be seeing Blake Griffin walk out to this.
2. Beethoven’s Sixth Symphony
Choice selections, obviously, as team introductions aren’t 40 minutes in length (although they can often feel like it), but Beethoven’s Sixth is lilting, calm, and mellow. All things that you’d like to associate with the other team, particularly if you’re the Kings and you’re most likely going to lose. It’s hard to be upset when you’ve heard the Sixth.
1. “Metal Machine Music” by Lou Reed
If the Kings actually played this song during the opposing team’s player introductions, we would cry tears of joy. Pure, abject tears of joy. That’s all we have to say about that (aside from watch your volume knob).