The photo you see above was posted to Twitter by the NFL U.K.’s official Twitter account, and it is far and away the greatest thing that has come out of the NFL’s flirtation with American football in London. As a professional football team (football football, not soccer football) in the U.K. becomes more of a reality with each successful series (even if it’s got some serious logistical challenges) the novelty has begun to wear down. The fact that people are still showing up to Wembley Stadium, as well as the fact that NFL teams need to play as “home” teams overseas if they want to host the Super Bowl kind of cements the notion that, at the very least, the U.K. games aren’t going away anytime soon. We’re even approaching the time when the Jaguars aren’t contractually obligated to play there anymore, because the march of time is merciless and unending. Just like Jones’s stewardship of the Cowboys.
The man to the left? The man to the left is Jose Mourinho, the manager of Chelsea FC. Chelsea FC is a football/soccer team of some meager renown that plays in London, specifically Fullham, so that the locals have something to do when they aren’t able to watch football/football live at Wembley stadium. It’s a small consolation prize, but a consolation prize nonetheless. Just kidding. Mourinho is one of the best managers operating in professional football/soccer right now, and Chelsea is a massive team, because everyone likes soccer.
That’s not important right now, though. What is important is that Jones is obviously telling Mourinho something really significant. Like, really really significant. We sat down and tried to figure out what it might be.
5. Jerry Jones and Jose Mourinho are caught midway through a reenactment of The Hobbit
Specifically the riddle-telling scene between Bilbo Baggins, played by Jones, and Gollum, played by Mourinho. While you might think that the roles would be reversed, given Jones’s penchant for Gollumisms, we prefer him as Bilbo, even if the scarf is clearly on the wrong character at this point. We suspect this image captured Jones during the “Thirty white horses” riddle.
4. Mourinho is contemplating his answer to Jones’s proposal of Schrodinger’s Cat
Being a soccer manager is a busy, busy thing that rather famously leaves little time for much else. It’s entirely possible, therefore, that Jose has never heard of Schrodinger’s cat — the thought experiment involving a feline, a vial of poison, and a source of radiation (in other words, an everyday look at the Cowboys locker room). Is the cat alive, or is the cat dead? Who is this man and why his he telling me about this cat? These are the big questions.
3. Jones is demonstrating how to drive a comically undersized Go-Kart
“And your hands have to be right here. If you don’t keep your hands right here for the entire stretch, you’re going to have a bad time.”
2. Jerry Jones is illustrating the proper method of clinking two bottles together
Bonding over a shared love and obsession with the 1979 American film The Warriors, Jones is explaining his preferred method of clinking two glass bottles together as he says, in falsetto, “Warriors, come out to play.” It’s almost exactly the same as listening to the man give an interview in real life.
1. Jones is asking the big questions
“OK, so, you’re sitting at a dinner table. In front of you is the most delicious, most savory, most mouth watering spread that you’ve ever seen in your life. You look up, you look around, the company is perfect, the conversation is fantastic, and the bill isn’t a concern for anyone in the building. You get served the first course — it’s soup. Amazing soup. You look down (Jones raises hands as the photo is taken) and you realize that all you have to eat it with are two dull butter knives. What do you do?