Cowboys Were ‘This Close’ to Picking Manziel, Trolling Universe

Why are we talking about the 2014 NFL Draft? It’s because Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys, has decided that training camp is boring (he’s mostly right) and that he wants the world to know that the Cowboys almost took Johnny Football with the 16th pick in the draft. They went with offensive tackle Zack Martin, who must be feeling great right now, instead. This is kind of a shame, since Manziel on the Cowboys would have been the Lime to Dallas’ gin and tonic of suffering and despair.

“I want you to know that almost as I was handing in the card, it was that close to putting that Manziel card in,” Jones told reporters. “It was that close.” Ignore, for a minute, how much of a massive misstep grabbing Manziel would have been for the Cowboys, because everyone knows that it would have been monumentally incorrect. They needed to upgrade their defense, and they already have a solid quarterback who’s almost certainly going to be better than Manziel will be next year. Ignore that and channel Pepé Le Pew: Le Sigh.

Imagine Manziel, who was drafted by Cleveland, as a Cowboy. How is he not the quintessential Cowboy? It would have been perfect for all the reasons that have nothing to do with football, and it’s not to be. At least for now.

You can use this bit of media back and forth as an argument for why Jones shouldn’t be allowed to make personnel decisions, but there’s more fun to be had if you use this as an argument for why Jerry Jones should be allowed to make all the personnel decisions. Watching the video above, there’s a sense that the anarchic chaos of Jones’ whims controls the Cowboys’ draft selection — and we believe that should be enabled at all costs. Pour one out for Johnny Football, Dallas Cowboys Quarterback.