NBA

Dwight Howard Is Such a ‘Great Farter’ That the Magic Had to Create a ‘No-Flactulence Rule’

Most superstar athletes aren’t just good at their chosen sport. They usually have minds and bodies that allow them to do great things elsewhere. NBA center Dwight Howard is no exception. Michael Jordan is a solid golfer. Shaq is a successful businessman, sportscaster, and DJ. As for Howard’s incredible off-the-court talent, you’ll just have to read on.

What players thought about Dwight Howard’s farting abilities

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Somehow, what’s most interesting about Howard is not his curious family life, involving fathering five children with five different women. It’s the eight-time All-Star’s preternatural mastery of that most natural of bodily functions. The man loves to fart.

Slam Online preserved a quote from a now lost Orlando Sentinel blog on the topic. One-time Magic forward and Howard confidant Rashard Lewis said in 2009, “Dwight really likes to cut the cheese.” A simple, funny thing to say about a friend, right? Oh, but it goes so much deeper than that.

Forward Glen Davis, wistful at hearing the news of Howard’s 2012 exit from the Magic, immediately brought up farts. “The thing we’re going to miss most about Dwight,” Davis said, “is his farting ability. A great farter, He can fart. He can fart loud — the loudest farts. Silent farts.” Dwight Howard: multi-talented farter.

A Sports Illustrated piece at the time covered just how deep the fart story goes. Magic coach Stan Van Gundy had to explicitly ban farting during press conferences and shootarounds. Howard’s skillful deployments could disrupt and embarrass at will, so the problem had to be addressed. Such was the power the current Lakers star wielded.

Is Howard still gassily gifted?

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It implies dark and powerful things about Howard’s abilities in this area, that his teammates couldn’t stop talking about his gas. During his very serious goodbye tour, farts were quick to leap to one’s mind. He got along with many of his teammates but asked for a trade before he truly hit his prime. Even with the relief of clean, breathable air on deck, Howard left the franchise with a feeling of unfinished business.

So far, the Lakers have been tight-lipped about the farty side of their lanky center’s abilities. That may in part be because keeping one’s mouth shut prevents accidentally inhaling potential toxic fumes. Howard’s new diet and approach to exercise might be a more realistic explanation why this cloud no longer hangs above (behind?) Howard.

He lost 25 pounds just before signing with LA, according to Bleacher Report. After suffering from mental and physical issues during the offseason, he decided to change his personal life around. Cutting out junk food, and eating more fresh vegetables has Howard looking noticeably thinner.

When his gas was at its most potent, he told Men’s Health that he ate up to 24 candy bars every single day. A kale smoothie is unlikely to pack the same punch. LeBron James will probably miss out on Howard’s most infamous talent.

Howard’s non-flatulent talents could help the Lakers win it all

Howard’s new diet makes him a better fit for the modern NBA. He’s capable of the constant, fast transitions head coaches almost always demand of their players. For his second stint in LA, things immediately looked well beyond what most fans expected of the aging star.

Before the pandemic cut the season short, Howard showed what he can do if he gets the ball in his hands often enough. Hoop Ball points out that he hit a season high of 21 points and 15 rebounds in one game. And he threw in two assists and a three-pointer for good measure. The flatulence may be gone with the wind. But the revitalized Howard should provide something special for the Lakers’ Finals chances in 2020.