The 4 Best Soundbites of the 2014 NFL Season

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“I’ve shown flashes of being a Pro Bowl-caliber quarterback, but what we’re looking for here is consistency.” Those words were uttered by quarterback Geno Smith, currently at the helm of the always-sinking New York Jets, were just the latest in what has been an eminently quotable 2014, as far as athletes in the NFL are concerned. Also, Smith’s not wrong — he’s just, you know, not the first example that comes to mind when you think of a player at that level.

For what it’s worth, Smith’s statement was met with derision, even as it was boldly taken out of context by pretty much everyone, but no one summed it up better than Rex Ryan, who followed up the quote with a “Yeah, then he hasn’t” in his own time with the press. Well played, Rex Ryan. We hope you get hired by a better team for the holidays. So, with Smith in the bag, here are the rest of the greatest quotes from the 2014 season so far. They are not entirely Steve Smith quotes (although they could be).

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3. “I was just addicted to it, I guess. I put myself in a [selfie] rehab program. And now that I’ve quit I feel like I am a much better person.” — Zach Mettenberger

We assume that LSU alumni and current Tennessee Titans quarterback Zach Mettenberger was being self aware when he offered this quote up to reporters before Thanksgiving. Mettenberger, of course, rose to prominence in the minds of the average NFL fan when he became a hot point for JJ Watt to make fun of him about his pregame photography habits (Hint: It involves Mettenberger taking pictures of, yes, himself). So, you know, he apologizes.

The real lesson here, is that if you need to represent yourself to other people, don’t use your phone. Paint a self portrait instead.

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2. “I didn’t talk trash to the kid. It was all in fun.” — Orlando Scandrick

Some context: Orlando Scandrick is a safety for the Dallas Cowboys, and because of that he’s sometimes in a position to go and make appearances, like showing up at children’s hospitals and playing the video game Madden. The only snag there is that Orlando Scandrick apparently takes his Madden very seriously. Like, kicks onside kicks and goes for two when he’s ahead seriously. With that in mind, here’s what he told ESPN after the game.

“Nothing is going to be given to you, so I don’t think I should have gave him anything. I made him better if anything. I wasn’t teaching any lessons, but when you play a competitive game, you’ve got to expect to be competitive. If they didn’t want you to go for two and to kick onside kicks, it wouldn’t be on the game. I didn’t trash talk to the kid. It was all in fun.”

Also, Orlando, from us to you — we’re terribly impressed with your ability to withhold any and all trash talk while playing Madden. That’s really hard to do.

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1. “I made a pact with myself that I’d look in the eyes of all my victims before taking their lunch money.” — Steve Smith

Steve Smith has made something of a legend out of the way he discusses other players in the NFL, as well as his relentless attitude towards being what can perhaps be best described as benignly hostile to everyone that isn’t on his team. After being unceremoniously dumped by the Carolina Panthers before the season started, he threatened to make them mow his lawn. Then he dropped this food related bomb in August.

“We take your lunch box. We take your sandwich. We take your juice box. We take your apple sauce,” Smith said. “And we take your spork and we break it. And we leave you with an empty lunch. That’s the Baltimore Raven way.”

There’s too much Steve Smith for one list is what we’re trying to say, so we decided to try and cover all the bases at once. That money quote, about the lunch money, came from a win against New Orleans in the last week of November.